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Friday, Jan 29

Devils vs. Maple Leafs Woolgathering At High Speeds

– Of all the long-term Devils injuries this season, Zubrus’s was the one we were least concerned about, because of all the guys who could return to the lineup after a long absence, he was the one we figured had the least to offer. Well, we were wrong. Lemaire has created a ZZ Z line tonight (or per...

Wednesday, Jan 27

Devils @ Sabres, 1/27/10: Open Thread

Ookies who are tired and cranky from having too much to do during the work day + a Devils team that is playing like they think it’s the first round and they drew the Rangers as their playoff opponent + writing a game diary = excruciating, unending pain.

Tuesday, Jan 26

Opinion: Devils @ Senators, 1/26/10

18:32 When the period started, Doc did his usual bookkeeping announcement of there being no carry-over penalties from the previous period. Schnookie: “Yeah, but I bet there’s plenty of carry-over suck.” Now, after 90 seconds of the Senators staging a shooting gallery in the New Jersey zo...

Sunday, Jan 24

The State Of The Devils

We feel like we’ve been very divorced from the Devils lately, what with missing the Islanders game on MLK Day, then being out late this Friday and Saturday for the Montreal and Islanders (redux) games. Maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder, though? Probably not. Anyway, here’s our take...

Wednesday, Jan 20

Devils vs. Panthers, 1/20/10

1:19 In discussing the prospect of the Devils being on the PK against a team that has pulled its goalie, Chico tells us that “the Devils could get the puck behind the net and just wing it down into the other goal.” We snort derisively. Pookie: “The Devils could also fly to Pluto after the game, bu...

Tuesday, Jan 12

Devils @ Rangers, 1/12/10: Open Thread And Random Notes

As you’ve probably already noticed, Gentle Reader, we don’t have much enthusiasm for NHL participation in the Olympics. Also, we don’t have any regard for anything Brian Burke says. But we put all of that aside when we read the flattering things Burke had to say about the Devils with regards...

Sunday, Jan 10

Devils vs. BOLTS!, 1/10/10: Half An Open Thread

Join us, Gentle Reader, for the second half of the Devils-BOLTS! game. Because what’s better than an unexpected half of a hockey game in which your team is starting in a 3-0 hole? This should be awesome! Join us, Gentle Reader, for the second half of the Devils-BOLTS! game. Because what’s bet...

Thursday, Jan 7

This Year’s Devils, As Lunch-Carrying Devices

Something that can have been said about the Devils for as long as we’ve been watching them is that they are a lunchpail kind of team. Hard-working, unassuming, a bit anonymous, very much “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts” — basically, Pando. But this year there seems to be [...]

Tuesday, Jan 5

Devils vs. Stars, 1/5/10

1:49 It’s another Devils PP, apparently on a hooking infraction by Robidas. We were too busy chanting “Rangers suck!” to notice the play. We get an interview with Patty, and Pookie says, “I can say this because he’s in the dressing room right now and can’t hear me: I love Patrik Elias.”

Sunday, Jan 3

We Forgot What We Were Going To Say

– How much we love the Rangers. – How great Brian Rolston is. – How much we love coconut. – What a terrible hiring Jacques Lemaire was. – How much we wish the Devils had traded for Chris Pronger. – How crappy Zach and Marty are. Aren’t you glad we shared?

Saturday, Jan 2

Devils @ Wild Open Thread

How do we celebrate Jacques Lemaire’s return to Minnesota? We head out to an ederly neighbor’s holiday open house! Fun-freakin’-fetti. We hope to be back not long after the game starts; keep your fingers crossed for us. While we’re being neighborly, enjoy an open thread!

Wednesday, Dec 30

Devils vs. Penguins, 12/30/09

14:49 Lemaire must read IPB, because he’s placated the militant LandZharkNation by putting their emperor-god on a line with Clarkson. Considering all the unrest between those nations’ borders recently, this could help facilitate a détente.

Tuesday, Dec 29

Shocking Samuelsson-Esque Retorts From The Devils

ANDY GREENE: “Uh, there isn’t an all-star game this year. The NHL is participating in the Olympics instead.” STAN FISCHLER & RICH CHERE: “They can go fuck themselves!” ANDY GREENE: “Word.” YANN DANIS: “Please, sir, I’d like to start.” LEMAIRE: “Go fuck yourself.”

Friday, Dec 18

Devils vs. Senators, 12/18/09

3:15 Based on what Chico’s saying the Devils aren’t cycling – they’re doing “The Swirl”. Pookie: “The Devils are doing a-swirl?” (ANTM fans will know what she’s talking about. In a quick check of the YubeTubes, we couldn’t find a clip of the Aswirl Twins, or whatever they are.) SECOND PERIOD

Thursday, Dec 17

Five Things You Didn’t Know About Five Devils We Didn’t Know

2. Is a lot like John Madden, but bigger, faster, and cheaper. But is different from Madden in that when Pando was injured, he didn’t feel sympathy pains in his shoulder. 3. Will accept a “Younger, Less Talented Brother” Lifetime Achievement award from the Lowell Devils later this season.

Wednesday, Dec 16

Devils vs. Canadiens, 12/16/09

You know what, Gentle Reader? We’re glad we tuned in for the pregame show tonight, so we got to hear Dano gleefully reporting that each time Scott Gomez returns for a game in New Jersey, he, like Blobby Holik before him, is reminded “how good New Jersey was to him, and how good he [...]

Saturday, Dec 12

Devils vs. Flyers, 12/12/09

Join us for a Saturday night open thread as the Devils and Flyers do battle. We’d say they’re going to engage in battle royal, but according to Wikipedia, that requires 3 or more parties, and frankly, we’re on vacation, so we’ll take a rain check.

Friday, Dec 11

Devils vs. Panthers, 12/11/09

10:30 MSG+ is telling its viewers about Slava Fetisov playing a game in Russia at 51. I don’t doubt that I’ll still be an NHL starter at that age. 0:00 Go me! I am the greatest! Chico thinks the Devils were looking ahead to the Flyers tomorrow night, but that’s just sour grapes, because I got the s...

Wednesday, Dec 9

Devils vs. Hurricanes, 12/9/09

Before the period starts, MSG+ gives us a gushing paean to Pando, in which they pull out his PIM/game stats that demonstrate that no one in the entire history of the league has had a lower rate of PIM in the regular season or the playoffs. PandoNation falls into an even deeper swoon.

Sunday, Dec 6

Opinion: Devils vs. Red Wings, 12/5/09: A Documentary Feature About Boomer’s First Trip To The Rawk

Shawn Chambers: The Devils offer driving directions to the arena parking. Shawn Chambers: The Prudential Center isn’t in Elizabeth. Narrator: But this is the Devils, and it wouldn’t be a Devils game lately without a blown third-period lead.

Friday, Dec 4

Devils vs LightningBOLTS!, 12/4/09

16:58 This is not, we don’t think, what Lemaire had in mind for this PP. 2:32 The Devils seem confused by this strange end of the ice they’re playing in. They’re creeped out that there’s a goalie in it, but he’s wearing the same sweater as the other team.

Wednesday, Dec 2

Devils vs. Canucks, 12/2/09

Tonight we’re trying something we’ve very rarely done since starting IPB — we’re not tivoing a Devils game while Pookie is working the late shift at the reference desk. In the past we’ve always recorded the games on her late nights, gone on radio silence, and then watched them starting afte...

Sunday, Nov 29

Wishful Thinking

We would very much like to be able to post some kind of deep, insightful hockey commentary about the Devils here, but you know what keeps happening? Just when we’re ready to commit to making some statement about how great any given guy is doing this year, or how pleasantly surprised we’ve be...

Friday, Nov 27

Devils @ Bruins, 11/27/09

16:28 Okay, Devils, you can stop icing the puck now. THIRD PERIOD 8:43 The fuck? Doc’s talking to us about how “if the playoffs started today”, the Devils and Bruins would meet in the first round. It’s November. Why is Doc talking about this?

Thursday, Nov 19

Devils @ Predators, 11/19/09

13:42 The Devils get the opportunity now to get a power play goal and be right back in it, as Chico would say. 11:42 The Devils do not get a power play goal to find themselves right back in it. 0:00 Okay, so the timeout wasn’t the Devils’ undoing. They get to the end of regulation tied at two. We’ll tak...

Saturday, Nov 14

Devils vs. Capitals, 11/14/09

You guys, this intermission was awesome. They’re talking up the food drive tonight, and in doing, show off some canned-food scupltures around the arena tonight. There’s a Zamboni made of 13,000 cans, a Prudential Center made of cans, a hockey goalie made of cans, and Devils and Prudential...

Friday, Nov 13

Surprise, Surprise

SURPRISE #1: We actually like what Jacques Lemaire has done with the Devils. We can be gracious and admit that we were wrong about him (so far). Now, we keep hearing that the non-Devils feeds of Devils games spend the better part of their time fixating angrily on how trappy the Devils are, and w...

Wednesday, Nov 11

Devils vs. Ducks, 11/11/09

19:38 Many years ago, when we were still living in Arizona, we took a road trip to LA to see the Devils win against the Kings and the Ducks. When this period starts, Chico tells us the Devils have lost every regular-season meeting between these two teams since ’02-’03 (which is, to be fair, onl...

Sunday, Nov 8

Did You Know?

That the Devils are fifth overall? That they’re only two points behind the Penguins?! That they’re 8-2-0 in their last ten games?!? That they’re four points behind the league leaders with two or three fewer games played?!?! Wowza! The things you learn when you bother to check the standin...

Thursday, Oct 29

Devils @ Bruins, 10/29/09

15:25 We are informed that this is “a completely different beginning to this period for the Devils than in the first.” Yes. This period is looking a lot more Devils/Sabres-ish. It’s as if the Devils think they’re playing at home. 11:40 By our unofficial count, the Devils have not had possessio...

Wednesday, Oct 28

Devils vs. Sabres, 10/28/09 — Woolgathering

– Before this game starts, we have to ask — what is it with the Sabres always being the team the Devils play right after they lose a crucial player to an injury? Last year the Sabres were our first post-Marty opponent, and the Devils gave up 20 shots in the first period. We can only assume the Devi...

Sunday, Oct 25

Wherein We Tackle Very Important Issues

– We really liked that the Devils won fairly deliciously in Pittsburgh last night. – Based on current trends of the first nine games of the Devils season, our preseason prediction of Lemaire being a terrible choice for the new head coach might be wrong. Might. We might not currently hate him. Mi...

Monday, Oct 5

Gathering Wool While The Devils Play The Rangers

There’s nothing like getting one of the many Rangers games out of the way right off the bat! Join us as we partake of some woolgathering during the first Devils-Rangers match-up. – Eddie states the obvious when he says that the Rangers’ fourth line is getting the better of the Devils’. We thin...

Wednesday, Sep 30

1-2-3 Hockey: 38 Things You Don’t Know About The 2009-2010 Devils

9. Scott Stevens does not know what smizing is. 11. Larry Robinson cursed this franchise. 23. Scott Stevens wants you to think he’s taking notes while watching games. He isn’t. 38. The Devils are going to surprise no one by not winning the Atlantic Division this year.

Wednesday, May 27

Implausible Deniability: How The Devils Don’t Dope

Patrik Elias: Anything he takes is totally legal and is follow-up treatment for his Hep. Brian Gionta: Steroids make you big and strong. He’s only small and strong. Kevin Weekes: Weekes can’t swim. Swimmers dope. Ergo, Weeeks can’t dope.

Thursday, Apr 30

Wherein We Come From Mitch & Murray With A Message For The Devils

Now, we’re sure there aren’t statbits to back this up, but our tra-la-la-feelingsbits about the last three-plus seasons have been that the Devils are simply terrible at closing things out. It is not uncommon to see them give up a late lead. In the seminal “blown late lead” Carolina/Jersey p...

Wednesday, Apr 29

The 2008-2009 Devils Season In Tra-La-La-Statbits Review

26: For Patty Elias breaking the Devils franchise scoring record on St. Patrick’s Day, prompting him to skate out for second star wearing a jaunty green hat. 1,940: For not losing in the playoffs to the Rangers. Really, that means an awful lot to us. 45: For bringing Blobby Holik back.

Tuesday, Apr 28

Opinion: Devils vs. Hurricanes, Game 7

– While killing time before the Devils game starts, we tune to the Rangers game. Sam Rosen, when reporting on the absence of Blair Betts, says, “The Rangers will be without one of their best underrated players tonight.” Boomer finishes his thought, “But no worries, their overrated players...

Thursday, Apr 23

Devils vs. Hurricanes, Game 5

14:43 Okay, the Hurricanes might have the edge – they get a flurry of shooting chances while the Devils stand around worriedly. But maybe the Devils have the edge – all the shots go wide. 12:16 Doc curses the Devils by pointing out that there has only been one shortie in this year’s playoffs so f...

Friday, Apr 17

Opinion: Devils vs. Hurricanes, Game 2

The Hurricanes player you are referencing is not Jarret Stoll. He’s Eric Staal. It shouldn’t be too hard a name to deal with, since there are oodles of other Staals in the Atlantic Division. Sheesh. 0:37 The Devils touch up on an icing. We are trying not to throw up.

Tuesday, Apr 7

Devils vs. Maple Leafs, 4/7/09

10:58 Awwww, it’s a sad day for Devils fans. Madden has lost his Maple Leafs touch. He gets a mini-breakaway, but ends up rolling his shot wide. Back in the day, Madden on the breakaway against the Leafs was golden. It’s the passing of an era.

Tuesday, Mar 31

The Root Of All Of The Devils Problems, or: Build-A-Cake Workshop

Apparently Flyers head coach John Stevens is somewhat renowned for his creative, unorthodox, and totally cheesy approach to instructing and motivating his hockey charges. And at least once (possibly twice — it was hard to say based on the article we found this in) he has employed this ama...

Friday, Mar 27

Devils @ Blackhawks, 3/27/09

16:56 We are discussing ways to improve the Devils PK. Schnookie floats the idea of changing the players more often (as Sutter suggested), but changing to players who are not currently on the Devils’ roster. Pookie suggests not skating Blobby Holik at even strength.

Wednesday, Mar 18

Reflections On A Goalie God (Now With Poetry)

Despite the Devils success so far, this has been a hard season for us to write about. We felt they were some kind of parallel-universe Devils for four months. We were upset about the Pando situation. We were upset about Holik situation. We couldn’t connect with the team. And more [...]

Saturday, Mar 14

Devils @ Canadiens, 03/14/09

– The Canadiens are taking zillions of penalties. Are they trying to ice Madden? – During the intermission, Jimmy Cavallo decides things are a bit too Montreal tonight and calls Denis Brodeur “Donny”. “Ah,” thinks Jimmy, “Now we’re bringing the Jersey!”

Thursday, Mar 12

Devils vs. Coyotes, 3/12/09

11:12 We are WOOOOO!ing with glee at the news first from the out-of-town scoreboard that the Predators are currently leading the Rangers in their game, and then from Chico that the Coyotes are the second-lowest scoring team in the NHL behind – you guessed it – the Rangers. Oh, low-scoring R...

Tuesday, Mar 10

Devils vs. Calgary, 03/10/09

6:21 Pookie, watching the Devils flounder: “I’m sticking to my call of 3-1 Flames, even though they are clearly the superior team here, just because they’re that boring.” 0:00 We can guarantee that Kiprusoff isn’t going to be too tired to play well in the playoffs if he keeps facing offensi...

Tuesday, Mar 3

Devils @ Maple Leafs, 3/3/09

15:26 White (the Leafs one) randomly whacks Madden in the face with his stick, and the Devils go to the power play. THIRD PERIOD 15:02 Oh goody. Another Devils PP. 9:20 Mottau takes a penalty as soon as the Devils get back to even strength. OVERTIME

Sunday, Mar 1

Devils vs. Flyers, 03/01/09

We’d like to take a moment to complain that Gel-O has been sounding very smugly confident of the Devils winning the Atlantic this season. Has he forgotten that in 2006 we trailed the Rangers and Flyers by six points with three games remaining, and won the title? There’s a looooong way to go st...

Thursday, Feb 26

Devils vs. Avalanche, 2/26/09 — Oh, Just Another Game…

SECOND PERIOD 13:23 It’s like the ghost of Perry Pearn has possessed the Devils PP or something. 0:00 *Happy sigh* SECOND INTERMISSION Pookie is having a terrible allergy attack this evening, and we are now vaguely concerned that she might be allergic to a healthy Devils team.

Tuesday, Jan 27

Opinion: Devils @ Senators, 01/27/09

16:35 While the Devils mill about aimlessly on their PP, Chico tells us that the Senators players are apparently all wistfully jealous, and wish they could be Devils too. 5:28 Doc sends us all into a panic by noting that Madden is out with Travis and Langer.

Monday, Jan 19

Devils @ Predators, 1/19/09

2:50 Doc tells us the Devils are third in the league in road points. The two teams ahead of them are the Bruins and Red Wings. Considering that the Bruins and Red Wings have way more points overall than the Devils, we guess those two teams are, unlike the Devils, also capable of winning at home.

Wednesday, Dec 31

Devils @ Stars, 12/31/08

0:40 The foregone conclusion when a Devils goalie leaves the net is an empty netter. Honestly, the other teams in the NHL are shooting 100% when the Devils have the extra attacker in the final minutes. Ericksson gets this one, and it’s 4-2 Stars.

Tuesday, Dec 16

Opinion: Devils at Leafs, 12/16/08

16:09 Chico just will not stop talking about this Sifers kid on the Leafs and his douchey loathing of New Jersey. Not just the Devils. The state. Well, we’re glad you went back to Connecticut, asshole. We don’t miss you. So there! 0:00 Maybe the Devils should start practicing second periods.

Thursday, Sep 18

Opinion: Trendspotting: The New Jersey Devils Hotness Primer Revisited

Martin Brodeur Trending…Marty. We said it last year, and we’ll say it again: all Devils fans so inclined to find the players hot will at some point squee for Marty. Then said fan realizes Marty is so far beyond squees at this point, that their attention is far better spent worrying about Marty...

Sunday, Apr 13

Opinion: Devils-Rangers: Game 3, Round 1

1:22 Avery backs into Marty after the Rangers win another offensive-zone draw, and gets called for goalie interference. 14:30 The Iron Boar flips the puck over the glass to put the Rangers up two men. The Devils try to protest the call, and we can’t even begin to imagine why.

Thursday, Apr 3

Opinion: There’s No Slighting In The War Room!

– The Devils clearly score. On a slapshot. From the faceoff dot. It beats the goalie clean, and the puck lies in the net behind him for all the world to see. The horn blares. The goal light goes on. The officials point to center ice. It’s a goal. It’s good. The game continues, and the Devils win by one goal. A...